IT’S NOT ME…

When I see myself in mirror I see a different woman ….it’s not me it’s just not me…this is not I wanted to be… I have been dragged in to becoming like this…i was never so strong and I never wanted to be…. I was just a simple girl My dreams were never too big as they are now…I am running to chase my dreams…I have to run  and run more because nobody is going to run for me..I have big dreams for Mahnoor and I only need Allah’s help for that.

I miss so many people in my life…every body is gone …I am losing myself..i miss myself..I am tired of this routine

I miss writing and reading poetry, sigh! I don’t want to cry on the mistakes made in past by others but effected me... at the same time i am not able to forget or let go them..It’s not easy.

Happy 5^th Birthday to Mahnoor

Its about Mahnoor’s birthday….i missed out so much to write on in last month so this is supposed to be written in back date that is 9^th February 2013, ofcourse this is not Mahnoor’s D.O.B but we celebrated a bit earlier in McDonald’s at Park tower with family and Mahnoor’s friends….reason why we celebrated earlier is because my favorite family in the whole wide world i.e. my brother Bunny’s family were leaving on 11 February 2013 for Malaysia (already left now …sigh).

Mahnoor and Ahsan with all the friends had good fun..i was happy for Mahnoor as she always wanted to have a birthday like this and I am soooo Thankful to my Allah who is so close to my heart that He has given us so much so that we can bring happiness on my daughters face…Wearing a beautiful red frock she looked so adorable, I was so thrilled to watch her glittering face while cutting the beautiful Barbie cake of her own choice..May Allah bless her always ameen.

On 24^th February on her actual birthday I sent an angry bird cake with goodie bags to her school again…she had a nice party there too...

Mahnoor this is all for you…sometimes in Shah Allah when you will grow up and manage to take put some time to read this and you will know that you are my WORLD…I LOVE YOU.

As parents we hope that you touch the life of thousands of other people with the same happiness, care and love that you have touched ours. Happy Birthday to the best daughter in the whole wide world!

You are forever in my heart Abu

From past few days I have been missing my father a lot or  should i say I that I am missing him more and more after every passing year….Allah knows how many years but I just have stopped counting the years that I have lived without my father..It’s a terrible feeling, even worse when I think that why he did not live much enough to see his children’s success and his grand children, his son in law, daughter in laws all the new relationships… I miss him more when I see my daughter’s love for her baba…for her, her dad is a hero, for me ,my dad will always be a hero.

I wish I could walk to the Heaven and bring you back home ABU…I just hope... one day
I will see you again.

My handsome father was diagnosed with the kidney problem…he went on dialysis for two years, but he was always thinking about the needs of his children 5 sons and a daughter and all very young not capable of helping him, I have seen him as a fighter, a long fight with his disease …but finally he left us all alone on 24^th December.

I hope you can listen and see me abu,I hope that you are getting hugs and kisses and prayers that I am sending your way every day..i know that you are in a better place but all that I know is that you are not with me ,and I want to see you and hug you and tell you that much I love you.

Sleep well Abu and take care of all those who went before and after you.

Forever in my heart 

Missing You Mansoor

As I mentioned in my earlier blog that I have experienced the state of loneliness too with the beginning of cold December…First time in more than 10 years of our married life ALHUMDULLIAH  I have lived without Mansoor for almost a month….he is sooo busy in his new project and living in Ramadha Hotel Karachi …we are in same city but still in no contact…initially I was so busy too in my events but after a few days I started feeling like a part of me is missing …Mahnoor loves her father and sad too..but Nukhari kit u Nhakra ki.

I keep myself busy with things to do, but every time I pause, I still think of you

We went to meet him and stayed for two days but he was seldom present….but poor him tried his best to keep us entertained in one room by sending various stuffs…But yes we thoroughly  enjoyed the yummy food of hotel, no wonder I am gaining so much weight.

 There is one more thing that I have realized and got to know about myself  and that is i have become so choosy in selecting my ward robe …usually I wear a lot of western but now I don’t feel comfortable at least till Mansoor is not around...amazed I am.

Looking forward for this weekend as Mansoor might call me and Mahnoor for a stay again. I am missing you Mansoor.

Bless you all!

Bismillah and birthday celebration of Ahsan and Mahnoor

Bismillah Celebration of Ahsan and Mahnoor.

DECEMBER has come with so many new things for us specially me …..I have experienced a state of loneliness and happiness altogether..the month started off with the party preparation that I planned in my father in law’s life (May his soul rest in peace) as I always wanted  that my daughter’s Dada (grand father) will do the Bismillah  (starting of HOLY QURAN) but I got late in planning because of his illness as well as my engagements with my business ….any way this time I had to do it because my best brother as I mentioned before is leaving for good from Pakistan with his family So I chose7^th December for the celebration as it is also the DOB of my nephew Ahsan <3  and I wanted it to be the memorable one for him as well as for us…so Bismillah was due of both kiddos and I decided to do it on the same date i.e. 7^th December 2012….With the great support of my husband and friend Irum the event went so successful …every body loved the celebration ..although it was a home based party but I hired a professional photographer to get the best clicks of us all and kids and I got the Banner made with kids pictures on it…I WAS SOOO HAPPY and I guess every body wasJ .Moomal my sister in law helped in bringing up palau and chicken karahi…yummy yummy…the menu also includes Achar ghost,Haleem,khatti bhari bhindi,custard,cake cupkaes etc….so delicious .

My mother in law did the bismillah of both kids and then Ahsan and Mahnoor cut the cakes….the most adorable kids in this world for me..May Allah always bless them with all the happiness in life and hereafter.ameen

Zindagi Khak na thee

Zindagi Khaak Na Thi Khaak Ura Kay Guzri
Tujh Say Kiya Kehtay Teray Paas Jo Aatay Guzri

Din Jo Guzra Tu Kisi Yaad Ki Ro Mai Guzra
Shaam Aayi Tu Koi Khuwaab Dikhatay Guzri

Tujh Say Kiya Kehtay Teray Paas Jo Aatay Guzri
Acchay Waqton Ki Tamanna Mai Rahi Umar-e-Rawaan

Waqt Aisa Tha Kay Bus Naaz Uthatay Guzri
Tujh Say Kiya Kehtay Teray Paas Jo Aatay Guzri

Zindagi jis kay muqadar mein hoon khusiyaan teri

Us ko aata hai nibhana,so nibhatey guzri

Raat Kiya Aayi Kay Tanhayi Kay Sargoshi Mai
Ghum Ka Aalam Tha Magar Suntay Sunatay Guzri

Barha choonk si jhati hai musafat dil ki

Kis ki awaz thee yeah kis ko bulatey guzri

Tujh Say Kiya Kehtay Teray Paas Jo Aatay Guzri